


Invent My Own Family

by poisonheadcrabsalesman



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Azian Vance, Mentions of Barney Calhoun, Mentions of Gordon Freeman, Mentions of Judith Mossman, Mother's Day, Pre-Half Life 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26205592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poisonheadcrabsalesman/pseuds/poisonheadcrabsalesman
Summary: Life under the Combine is hard enough without the anniversary of the day everything went to hell coming up. Now the vortigaunts are preaching the second coming but how do you prepare for a savior you thought dead? How do you let yourself hope after almost 20 years?OrAlyx has grown up under a fascist alien regime and will do what she needs to take care of her family. Hope and happy endings are a dream from a different world. Even if it means putting herself last.
Relationships: Alyx Vance & Barney Calhoun, Alyx Vance & Isaac Kleiner, Eli Vance & Alyx Vance
Comments: 16
Kudos: 43





	Invent My Own Family

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact! The Vance family would have just celebrated Mother's Day for Azian the weekend before the Resonance Cascade! They probably had a nice dinner and Eli got Azian flowers and Alyx made her a card. :')
> 
> Title from the Mountain Goats song Hebrews 11:40
> 
> Thank you to KogoDogo for all the writing help and support and just being the best! This would not have seen the light of day without you!

May is, historically, not a good month for them.

Too many memories brought up, too many anniversaries not meant to be celebrated, too few remaining, and this year isn't any better. No one celebrates Mother’s day, at least not in the same way. No more flowers or cards or fancy meals, just hands held tightly to whatever you had left, be it flesh and blood, or a worn photograph, or a memory slowly fading like candlelight in your mind’s eye. Spring came every year but crops didn’t grow, birds didn’t sing, and babies weren’t born. May was a solemn reminder that there hadn't been any new mothers in almost 20 years and a lot of people weren’t mothers anymore. 

It didn’t help that the end of the world started in the middle of May. 

Alyx never had strong feelings about May before this year, being so young when the Black Mesa Incident happened. Then the portal storms and the war and occupation and resettlements made months and holidays a thing of the past. There was the present and then, maybe if you were smart or careful or lucky, there was tomorrow.

Her father had wanted her close every May since she had been old enough to start making the treks between Black Mesa East and City 17 alone. So they had a bit of a family tradition. She'd visit Kleiner and Barney and make sure they were alright before making the trip through the canals and spending the rest of the month stuck in Black Mesa East with Mossman looking over her shoulder, nitpicking her work. Kleiner would hug her tight and fret over her a little more than usual, and Barney would be more subdued, knowing she could see through him whenever he tried to shrug off any attention to his wellbeing. If Barney’s schedule would allow it, Alyx would drag him down to Kleiner’s lab for a shared meal of his extra CP rations and card games or if they were feeling it, reminiscing about the good old days.

After checking in on them she’d mentally prepare herself for the journey and the month spent in close proximity with Mossman. Judith always found something to comment on. 

Alyx usually liked the trip, visiting the stations and sharing any news, double checking the supply caches and fixing radios and equipment, or distracting resistance members with terrible puns. She’d have to catch up with Mary and Matt next month, but Joe she could say hey to, with the Vorts’ help. She didn’t have time to stop and see everyone this run, but she was grateful for it. She really didn’t have the energy to socialize and she needed to pay attention, with the reported uptick in headcrab shellings along the route. Alyx knew getting stuck in her head was dangerous, but she blamed it on the news spreading like wildfire along the railroad.

This May hadn’t been different until the Vorts started whispering the impossible and, despite their best efforts, Alyx knew her family’s hopes were up. 

Barney had been taking extra shifts and volunteering for riskier missions for any scrap of info. It'd been weeks since he stopped by the lab and he’d come close to missing check-in for the first time since he’d been undercover. He’d been running himself ragged either for a distraction or for confirmation of the impossible, and she had no way to safely visit him without blowing his cover. 

So, Alyx settles for breaking into his apartment to switch out the nutrition packs for flavors he actually likes, slip some extra ammo into his cache, and water his sad looking plant. She also moves his couch three inches to the left and leaves a note on his bathroom mirror that says Lamarr misses him. 

Alyx knows Barney is scared to hope, that his sense of humor is just as much about protecting himself as it is about cheering others up. What little he’s shared about what happened the day of the Resonance Cascade has let Alyx know what she needs. He wasn't able to get everyone out. 

She also knows him overworking himself is how he copes with feeling out of control. Beneath the good humor is a man stubborn enough to spy on the Combine for fifteen years, so she has no hope in changing his strategy head on. But growing up with him as a big brother has let her learn the ways of southern passive aggressiveness and the power of family meddling. Shouldering her bag, careful of the gift inside, Alyx heads towards the lab and the last stop before her trip back to Black Mesa East. 

Kleiner wasn't doing much better. 

When Alyx found an HEV suit while scavenging some old outposts near White Forest, she hadn't expected him to jump at the chance to work on it, ignoring his current work on getting a teleporter safely up and running. Nor did she expect him to be up into the early hours of the morning working on improvements. He didn’t seem bothered by the fact that the suit had obviously been used, it’s plating scarred and battery depleted. She didn’t admit it outloud but Alyx was a little unnerved by how much faith he was putting into a banged up old suit. This life had taught her to never have all your grenades in one basket.

Alyx heard him before she saw him as she entered the lab, talking himself through repairs. There were papers scattered in piles on the floor and the crates usually pushed against the far wall were now a makeshift workbench covered in tools and rags. Kleiner was tinkering and scribbling down ideas for improvements while she grabbed the gift from her bag, a fresh watermelon for Lamarr, who seemed upset at the lack of attention. After petting the distressed headcrab and taking stock of the state of the lab, Alyx walked over to the charging station and waited. Muttering something about long jump modules and neurotoxin antidotes to himself, he startled when she spoke up.

“Oh Alyx, my dear I didn’t hear you come in!” Glancing over he saw Lamarr attacking the watermelon with gusto. “And you brought a treat for Lamarr! She’s been acting strange lately.”

“She’s probably lonely!” Alyx crossed her arms and leaned forward as she spoke. “How long have you been working on that suit?” 

Looking even more scattered than usual, Kleiner pushed his glasses back in place and glanced at the clock before his face told her all she needed to know. Pushing him towards his chair and gently shoving a nutrition bar and water bottle into his hands, Alyx ignored his protests of being in the middle of a critical part of modifying the suit. Grabbing the notebook next to the suit torso on the desk, she took a seat across from her uncle and got comfortable. He at least had the decency to look a bit ashamed that he’d been caught overworking himself and ignoring Lamarr. 

Settled in and ready to take notes, Alyx asked what else he had planned and how could she help. And like that the floodgates were opened, and she was grateful she never had official classes under Uncle Izzy. His lectures were famously long and winding according to everyone who had worked with him. She could afford an hour or two to let him talk to another human and organize his thoughts on his current project. 

Standing to stretch and get ready to leave, she notices a small bound folder with a signature visible through the plastic cover. It’s some academic paper, with a title a paragraph long. It’s obviously been read but it’s not worn or dingy like most of the books on the shelves. In fact, it’s one of the cleanest and best kept things she’d seen in a long time. The damning piece of evidence is not the name under the title but the notebook next to it, notes and scribbles next to transcribed passages. Uncle Izzy was always writing on the only copies of work they had and driving Magnusson up the wall. Keeping her voice even, she asks him if it has something to do with the suit and all the repairs.

“I suppose it does, in a way, you see one of my best students wrote that paper and his work studying entanglement by way of” Kleiner was lost in his thoughts, not noticing as Alyx’s smile became genuine. “- induction using a mode locked array through nonlinear transuranic crystals changed the way we viewed our own work about teleportation at Black- you’re making the face, oh dear I’m rambling again.”

“I got most of that, I mean, you know I leave the more theoretical stuff to you and Dad, but I’ve been helping fine-tune the array back home, make sure the power is steady for mode-locking the bursts. Smart student of yours, figuring out how to shoot lasers at rocks just right.” Alyx let herself relax a bit. Hands drifting to her sides.

He fidgeted with his pockets before a small, tired smile pulled at his lips. He was so small sometimes, like the years weighed on him more than others. Her dad had always told her to be kind to Uncle Izzy. Not because he was weak, but he was kind, soft in a way that let’s a man keep a debeaked headcrab named after an inventor as a pet.

“He’s very smart, it got him in some trouble.” He looked upset for a moment before continuing, “You’d like him Alyx, he was- he’s good, hardworking but a bit of a prankster, he’d give Barney a run for his money”.

Alyx managed a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. Turning before he could see, she began packing up her bag and prepping for the final leg of her journey home. 

“I have to get going, but can I count on you to take care of yourself until Barney or I can make it back over?”

“What? Oh yes, you know I’ll be fine. It’ll give me time to finish the upgrades on the suit. I’ll make sure it’s properly functioning and tested! I dare say I’ve made quite the improvement to the Mark IV! ” 

“Uh-huh. And you’ll take breaks and not neglect poor Lamarr?” She looks over to see him back at the workstation, notes in hand. 

“Yes, yes!” He says half-waving her out before looking up “Do be careful, Alyx. It’s getting late.” 

She offers him a grin and a wave as she heads to the door, calling out a “Bye, Lamarr!”

She hears Kleiner begin to talk himself through the work again. “I do wonder if the suit will still fit. We’ll just have to see, eh Lamarr?” 

“We’ll have to see.” she mutters to herself, swinging the door shut. 

Making her way through the canals took longer because she was distracted, but it gave Arlene plenty of time to gas up the airboat. Alyx gave her a thankful nod before almost collapsing into the vehicle.

“Station 7 is empty this run so I got you enough supplies to make it all the way to the dam. Station 6 is still being rebuilt after the last close call so no stopping, got it?” Arlene had her hands on her hips, the picture of an overprotective big sister.

“Got it. Anything you want me to pass along?” 

Arlene looked her over before walking to the gate’s turnwheel with a wave

“Just take care of yourself Alyx, you’re too young to look that tired.”

Rolling her eyes, Alyx eased the airboat out into open water and tried to enjoy what freedom she had left. No other thoughts right now. She still had her dad to see and then she could go hang out with D0g for the rest of the month. 

Sooner than she wanted, the dam came into sight.

Slinking through the old power plant in an effort to avoid conversation, Alyx felt like a teenager sneaking back home after curfew. She dropped her bag off in her room no problem, having avoided the noisy gathering in the kitchen. 

It was later than she usually got back and there was a tension in the air. It was quiet and somber as she made her way to the labs. The noise from the upper levels not passing through the concrete walls.

Eli Vance, leader of the rebellion, survivor of Black Mesa, looked small, sitting on a stool in a darkened lab. In this moment he wasn’t the proud scientist working to save his people, standing tall against an alien threat; He was an old man with regrets weighing on him. Alyx had never seen him like this. He was always so good at hiding how tired he really was. It felt like some secret boundary had been crossed, though it had been years since anyone thought they needed to shield her from anything. 

Mind made up, Alyx knew it was just another time to step up and carry the burden until the shock wore off. Everyone she knew had known a life prior, but this was all she had ever known. Alyx knew what survivor's guilt looked like, she saw it in the faces of her family, her friends and comrades, but she also knew you had to keep moving. Later, when the rest of the base was asleep, she'd have the space to break, but not now. 

You don’t think about the what ifs.  
She knocked lightly on the door and walked over to her father.

Alyx wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He had bags so deep they looked like bruises under his eyes and the cane he hadn’t used in years grasped tight in his hands. His leg was acting up again. 

The lights were low and Eli was sitting staring at the only other thing he managed to save from Black Mesa. The photo of their family before the Cascade; before the storms and the war and the life on the run. Her family before it shrank and then grew to include Barney and Kleiner. Before her dad became the face of the Resistance. Before the promise of Gordon Freeman and the end of the Combine.

Azian Vance smiled at them from the frame, holding a young Alyx not focused on the camera, while a younger Eli smiled contently. Touching her necklace, Alyx squeezed her dad’s shoulders briefly before going to make tea. 

Carefully taking the cane from his hands and trading it for a mug, Alyx jumped a little when he finally spoke.

“I want to believe it,” he almost whispered.

Pulling up another stool, it was Alyx’s turn to fidget with the cane in her hands

“I thought I killed him,” Eli sighed, his grip tightened around the mug.

“We were trapped down in Sector C and I sent him to get help. I opened the door and sent him to his death.” 

“Dad, you didn’t know, you were hurt and trapped and didn’t know if help was coming” she paused, “you were working with what information you had.” Alyx felt a bit guilty using his own lesson against him, but it had gotten her through her own mistakes, even if they were costly.

He glanced at her before taking a sip of the tea, not arguing with her for once. He cleared his throat before speaking again.

“He was Izzy’s boy and I thought I killed him. All I knew was that he was being hunted and then he was gone. Barney saw him dragged away by soldiers, he thought they were dumping his body. It wasn’t until we made contact with the Vorts that we knew what he had done.”

“Do you really think he’s coming back?” she felt childish asking, biting her lip she looked down at the cane. “I don’t know how you can put your hopes on one guy.”

“Alyx, sweetie, look at me.” She met his gaze, feeling younger and older all at once. She was so tired. Someone coming to take the burden for a little while was a dream, but that’s all it was to her.

Her dad put down the mug and placed his hands on top of hers. They were warm and rough from work. Her’s were the same, just a shade lighter, closer to her mother’s. 

“He’s not even here yet and he's given us something we haven't had in a long time, Alyx.   
The Resistance needs this, needs him to be this symbol to rally behind. The rumors alone have sparked something, we have new people joining every day. ”

Eli sighed before continuing. 

“I need him, Alyx. They don't need an old man standing in the way and I can’t stand the thought of you bearing more of our mistakes alone. I just can’t. I just hope he forgives me when I ask for even more of him.”

“Dad...” She stands, pulling him into a hug, rocking slightly as she tries to find comfort in his presence. He’s solid and warm and there, even if she has to stoop to hug him on the stool.

Straightening up, she’s still holding his hand. 

“It’s late, we can talk more in the morning.”

He smiles as he takes the cane back, still favoring his flesh and blood leg. 

“You’re right, as usual. Get some sleep. We’ve got work to do. I love you.”

“Love you too, I’ll clean up here.”

Alyx watches him walk to the door of the lab and make his way to his room. She’s alone in an empty lab as she looks over at the photo.

“Love you, Mom, Happy Mother’s Day.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! This is my first posted/finished fic ever. I'm terrified! I'm on tumblr with the same name, say hi if you want!


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